


Gaze Forward Unafraid

by prettyboydoctor



Series: Run To Me, Lover [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Let Ben cry, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Secret Relationship, Soft Ben Solo, Soulmates, Telepathic Bond, alright strap in fuckers, also some plot to set up the other stories I wanna add, i don’t know what I’m doing but I’m going to figure it out, im making this a series, let Rey cry, let men cry, soft rey, this is gooey gross love discussions with emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyboydoctor/pseuds/prettyboydoctor
Summary: Ben has already told Rey he loves her multiple times before, but now he allows himself to see a future with her as she begs him to run away.This is set between tlj and tros, directly after my other reylo fic We Deserve Each Other.I recommend reading that first (especially if you want some true smut!), but this should still make sense if you don’t!soft and fluffy discussions about love + belonging.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Run To Me, Lover [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743739
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Gaze Forward Unafraid

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to expand upon my other fic, and this was born. i will be making this a series but i can’t promise consistent updates. follow me on Twitter @reysoloben to keep up with me! 
> 
> no smut in this one, sorry! rated mature for language and discussions of sex, so if that makes you uncomfortable then this is not the fic for you.
> 
> just a lil bit of plot to kick this timeline off. i’ll make up for the lack of smut in the next one, promise! 
> 
> i also have NO idea what i’m doing so constructive criticism is welcome.
> 
> i should also mention, i reject the entire Palpatine storyline so don’t even ask about it.
> 
> enjoy! leave kudos + comment if you feel so inclined <3

_ “A life with me,” He starts, his fingers brushing along her cheek as he looks into her eyes, brown meeting hazel, “Would be miserable. We’d always be on the run, we could never relax. I don’t want that for you. You deserve so much more than that, Rey.”_

_ “Oh Ben,” She whispers, leaning her forehead against his. “I deserve you. And you deserve me.”_

The look on Ben’s face after she speaks makes Rey’s heart clench, and she’s certain he can feel the way her stomach plummets as a thought flitters through her mind. Quietly, as if her inner voice was whispering.

_ No, I don’t deserve you._

She knows immediately that it’s not her thought, it’s  Ben’s .

In this moment, watching his face crumble even further as he realizes what he projected unintentionally, Rey has no idea what to say. She stares at his features, eyes roaming his whole face as she searches for the words to convince him that he does deserve her.

Ben’s cheeks redden slightly which is hilarious, honestly, considering what they had just done.

They had just had sex in a cave for kriffs sake,  _ really good sex _ , and  _ now _ the man was blushing?

Rey gathers all her courage to spill her heart out but Ben beats her to it, raising a hand from where it rests on her still naked thigh to cup her cheek. His other hand grips her hip, his thumb rubbing small circles there.

“Don’t,” Ben whispers, voice catching in his throat.

He clears it and tries again, “I’m glad you think otherwise, and I can  feel how much you do. But I’m right, I don’t deserve you. You deserve to be happy, to have a life without war or hardship. That’s not what a life with me would be. Whatever you’re about to say... it’s just going to make everything harder.”

At first, she still wants to wrap him in her arms and shield him from everything bad, run away with him to the furthest corner of the furthest star system. Just hold him like they had held each other every night through the night terrors for the past several months.

Then, she’s angry. Her mind is still completely open to him, he can _feel_ how much she loves him, how much she wants to protect him. He  _ knows _ all that and still, he’s insisting that she not actually  tell him ? She’s also so angry because how dare he? How dare he decide what she deserves and cast his own feelings aside in the process?

She can _feel_ it, how much he loves her and even more... she can feel that he wholeheartedly believes that while she deserves to be happy,  _ he _ _doesn’t_.

“You self deprecating  _ asshole _ ,” She says aloud, finally breaking her silence. The chilly tone of her voice surprises even her. In all the times they had  _ literally _ _fought_ each other, she had never been this mad at him. His decisions, maybe. The circumstances. But never just  him . Except for... no. She wasn’t going to think about that. She had never been so offended by him. Now... now she is absolutely livid.

Ben, to his credit, stays quiet.

His mental shields snap back into place, though, and evidently that is the wrong thing to do because Rey stands up, wobbling on her legs for a minute and cursing him under her breath as she struggles to find her clothes. He regrets it instantly and is about to drop them again when her shields snap back up as well, hardened further by her anger.

The silence, both physical and mental, practically hums between them.

Briefly, Rey thanks the bond for keeping them connected.

Ben has his theories about it, but usually if they actively shut each other out they can’t project to each other. She guesses it’s different now because while she’s mad at him, she doesn’t want him to leave, and he doesn’t want to leave either. So he doesn’t. It’s as simple as that.

She keeps her composure long enough to find her leggings and tunic, using the force to support herself as she gets dressed because she is  _ not _ going to yell at him naked. Once she’s covered, she spins back around to face Ben, noticing that he too is now standing and has his ( _ very tight _ ) black briefs back on. Besides that, he is still distractingly nude but Rey’s so mad she barely notices.

Okay, she _definitely_ notices but her body is so sore already and she’s still unbelievably mad at him.

How could he think he was so...  _ little _ to her?

Ben waits for her to speak, knowing even without the bond that she has more to say. She avoids eye contact as she gathers her thoughts yet again.

“I can’t believe after  _ everything _ , that,” she gestures to the wall they were pressed against not even twenty minutes ago, “the hut, the Supremacy, Crait, every night since..” Rey gets too frustrated to continue, her emotion choking her. She takes a deep breath.

Rey steps closer to him, jabbing her finger into his chest, “You don’t have any control over what makes  me happy. You don’t get to decide what I deserve. That is my opinion alone. You may _think_ you don’t deserve me, Ben, and I’ll be honest until recently I’d never felt like I deserved anything either.Life doesn’t owe anyone anything, that isn’t how it works but... But I _know_ one thing, and you got it right, I deserve to be happy... I deserve  _ you _ .”

Rey’s hand falls to her side, and just like that the fight and anger leave her as quickly as they came, because she understands where his thoughts come from, and getting fired up isn’t going to help.

“And I know why you feel the way you do... but you deserve to be happy too,” She finally looks up at him, Ben’s glassy eyes stare past her, probably out the window in his quarters. Without even thinking she rests her hand on his chest, right over his rapidly thumping heart.

Rey hesitates before speaking again, but decides  _ fuck it _ , before adding in a whisper, “ _ You _ make me happy.. and I’m prepared to spend the rest of whatever time we have left convincing you that you deserve me too.”

Ben rolls his neck and tilts his head back, closing his eyes as he lets out a heavy breath, hesitantly moving his arms from his sides to cradle both her hands in his much larger ones and hold them to his chest.

“Do I make you happy?” She asks, sounding stronger than she feels, needing to  hear his answer.

Ben’s watery eyes open as he looks back down at her, his face even more impossibly wrecked than before.

They finally lock eyes again.

Ben loves her, has said and shown her so many times but he never... he never thought about the future for them. He never even thought about a future for himself, and definitely not one where he was  _ happy _ . Certainly not one with _her._

He drops his shields again, letting her hear his stream of thoughts unfiltered. He’s fucking terrified, but he couldn’t hide from her if he tried. Didn’t really want to, anyway.

Putting things into words makes them real and he thought for sure she would’ve cast him aside by now for all the terrible things he’d done. But she knew everything, his deepest darkest thoughts, and she embraced them. As he had hers.

Rey had held him throughout countless night terrors in the past year, as he’d done for her.

They’d talked about nearly everything in the dark when neither of them could sleep.

Snoke, his manipulation, how Ben couldn’t remember a time before her where his head was quiet, but now it was.

He hadn’t heard a single voice besides his own and Rey’s in  _ months _ .

They’d talked about the Supremacy, Crait, everything he’d done under Snoke... every life he’d taken. The ones he could’ve saved but didn’t, the ones he couldn’t have saved if he tried. The ones that were his fault, the ones that weren’t but he still held guilt over.

They’d talked about her childhood, what she could remember at least, about Plutt and Jakku. Her parents. How she was still scared she’d wake up back in that desert, alone.

They’d talked about his parents too, how Han’s death still tore him apart. His most common nightmare was his fathers face as he fell, replaying over and over again until Rey shook him awake.

They had talked (very briefly) about his mother and how he missed her, but still felt like he could never face her again. Luke was even brought up, and while he still felt a pang in his chest when he thought of his uncle it was grief and guilt now more than resentment.

He had fucked _everything_ up  so badly, and she knew it better than anyone, she had been _in_ his head. She  _ knew _ and, still, here she is convincing him that he deserves happiness.

After  everything , she thought him worthy of happiness. The fairytale ending he had always wished for as a child. The same one she had wished for.

They had learned everything there was to know about each other in the past year or so and despite all of that, up to this moment he’d felt like nothing had changed, him and Rey were still on opposite ends of a war. He was still the Supreme Leader, even if he had barely done anything except allow Hux to carry out whatever he wanted to avoid suspicion.

Now... the truth was, Ben didn’t want to fight anymore. He hadn’t for a while. This wasn’t his war, it never was. He had thought about running many times, but never dared to think about taking Rey with him. He was sure she’d never leave her friends, and he would never want to put her in danger like that. He was never going to ask that of her, and here she was, practically offering it.

That slim chance at complete and total happiness that he had given up on a long time ago.

Rey gasps as his thoughts rush over her, “Ben,” She murmurs, “ _Please_.” She drops her shields to him as well, the bond flowing back at full force. She echoes his thoughts with feelings of acceptance, love, comfort. Let’s him know she  understands .

“ _Yes_ ,” He whispers back, squeezing her hands, “Yes, sweetheart, you make me happy. I just never... thought I’d get there. Happy.. it’s,” he chuckles, “strange. A good strange.” He allows himself to smile, one that cracks across his whole face.

It’s a smile Rey’s only seen a handful of times and she decides she’s going to make him smile like that everyday. No matter what. She’ll do  anything to see that for the rest of her life.

“Ben, we don’t have to do this anymore. We can... figure something else out,” Rey says quietly, her tone desperate. Begging him without saying the words.

She knows now what he was asking in the throne room, even if he didn’t at the time. He didn’t want the galaxy or power, he wanted  her .  Wants her. She wants him, more than she’s ever wanted anything besides food and water.

As a child she’d never imagined  this , sure she’d had plenty of time to daydream but she’d thought it would never come true. Since realizing she loved Ben she could think of nothing else.

Rey wanted to be with Ben, galaxy be damned.

All of her worries from the past year fade with the knowledge that she needs him, and he her. Far more than the resistance needs her.

She pulls her hands out of his, linking her fingers behind his neck, going up on her tiptoes to reach. He rests his hands on her waist and bends down, scooting her forward so she isn’t reaching so far. Her eyes stare into his, his thoughts swirling between them.

“Like what?” Ben asks softly, sounding defeated, his smile gone and replaced with concern. His bottom lip trembles as he presses a kiss against her hairline.

He stays there a moment as he thinks, resting his forehead against hers once more. Rey stays quiet, forming her own plans.

His mind runs through a thousand different scenarios, all of them ending with him and Rey in danger. Though, he supposes, there’s no avoiding that. Not in the middle of a galactic war, but they can choose to fight it on their own terms now.

After a moment he forms a tentative plan. He could run, she could feed the resistance information from him to help end the war. Then, when everything was safe, she could follow him.

“No!” She says fiercely, no ice in her voice like earlier but fire instead, pulling her head back to look up at him, “Whatever we do, wherever we go... We go together. If you run, I will wrap up things here and then I will be _right_ behind you.”

Ben frowns at her, staying quiet and recalculating his plan. He could stay with the first order, give her information through the force bond. She already overhears plenty of his pointless meetings.

He quickly abandons that idea, shaking his head, people would ask where she was getting the intel and that would only put a target on her back. He starts to think maybe he could feed the resistance info directly, through a secure channel that couldn’t be traced back to him.

“ _ No _ ,” her voice echoes through his head.

Rey’s been quiet again as she listens to him think but she speaks up after that, “Absolutely not. Hux would kill you if he found out.”

“Well, I better be careful then,” Ben smirks. “Besides, I can handle Hux,” Ben murmurs, brushing her hair behind her ear with a gentle touch.

“What if.. we just disappear? _Both_ of us,” Rey whispers, voice soft but full of conviction, “You could take a shuttle, disable the tracker. I could do the same, there’s a few here that shouldn’t take too much work to get running. Make sure we aren’t followed, and meet somewhere.”

“ _Rey_...” Ben starts, and she can tell he is about to argue so she doesn’t let him, surging forward to press her lips to his, kissing him deeply. He responds instantly, wrapping his arms around her as he kisses her back.

Rey barely pulls back and whispers, “Please.” Her lips move against his as she speaks, “ _Be with me_.”

“Your friends need you...” He starts, though he sounds like he’s about to give in.

“No, they don’t. Without a Sith Lord in charge, why would they need a Jedi?” Rey attempts to joke, a small smile on her lips. But he was never a Sith Lord, and she’s barely a Jedi. They both know this.

They also both know that with no force wielding supreme leader, there was no need for a force wielding resistance Jedi.

Without him the resistance could fight the war just fine, as proven by the past several months of small ( but important ) victories for the resistance, and they stood a good chance at winning even now.

Without a leadership, the First Order would likely crumble; Hux could try his best, but even he couldn’t control everyone.

Rey sighs before continuing, “I will miss them, but they don’t  need me. You do. And I need you. We have a slim chance to be happy, truly happy. _Please_ just try. _Hope_. _Please_. Hardly anyone knows your face, and I know places we could go where they wouldn’t ask questions. If we have to run, we run together. I want to be with you, Ben, _let me_. _Please_.”

She’s  kriffing _begging_ him now, in every way that she can. Her eyes even plead with him.

Ben’s heart breaks a little more with each desperate “please” that leaves her mouth.

He allows himself to imagine a future with her, the vision from the hut flashing through his mind. Them, together, happy. That’s what they were always headed toward, even then. This whole time, he was convincing himself that it couldn’t’ve been real. The Force didn’t bring happiness like that. But after these months with Rey, he can’t imagine a future where they  weren’t together.

Whatever their future held from that moment on, they would face it together.

The tears that have been threatening his eyes for the past half hour start to fall and he’s nodding before his thoughts catch up. No one has ever wanted  him . Just him, as he was.

“You _really_ want this?” Ben whispers, thinking what a wreck he was, even though he can  feel how much she does.

She fixes him with a look, her eyes narrowing. It prompts a chuckle out of him, soothing both of their frayed emotions.

Ben sighs as he brings his hands up to cup Rey’s face. She’s a wreck too, cheeks still tear stained from earlier and her eyes fill up again as she waits for him to say something. Anything.

Before he says anything else though he pulls her in for a hug, tucking her head against his shoulder as he bends to bury his face in her hair. He cries softly as their thoughts bounce back and forth, finalizing their plan silently.

Ben isn’t wholly sure why he’s crying, Rey knows though.

Up until a few minutes ago he hadn’t allowed himself to believe he was worthy of happiness, and now he’s realizing he is and more than that he already is happy. With her. Always with her. He just has to say yes.

They were so close to it, their happily ever after.

Rey holds him, not saying anything but offering comfort in any way she can. She combs through his hair, rests her hand on the back of his neck, squeezes it softly to steady him, and whispers assurances to him through the bond. Eventually, he gathers himself, sniffing as his tears stop, her hair damp under his cheeks.

“Okay,” Ben whispers into her, “We can run. Together.” His voice shakes but he continues, “If you get hurt because of me...” He doesn’t need to finish, she can hear his thoughts loud and clear.

Rey shushes him, her fingers stroking his hair as she holds her to him, “I could say the same to you...” She pauses to kiss his hair, “I know it won’t be safe. Or easy. But we’ll be together. Always. You’re not alone anymore.”

“Neither are you,” He whispers back, cracking a soft smile.

There’s still so much they need to do, so much to plan. But for now they are content to stand in each other’s arms for a few more minutes, content with the knowledge they would be happy and together, some day. Away from the war.

That day felt tangible now, close in a way it never was before. They just had to get away.

**Author's Note:**

> alright! if you made it this far then it probably wasn’t too bad, but let me know! 
> 
> like i said before, this will be a series! the next work i add will probably be set soon after Crait, so keep an eye out! subscribe to the series! the stories won’t be in order, but i will do my best to make it all make sense lol.
> 
> Lore links
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Supremacy
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kriff/Legends
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Crait


End file.
